10 Things You Should Say to Your Best Friends Right Now

 

Everyone has that select group of girls that they rely on most to make it through life. From everyday struggles like putting on liquid eyeliner, to the bigger things like relationships and school, your girlfriends are your go to. They understand how hard it is to force yourself to wake up earlier just to shave your legs, and they don't judge you if you chose sleep instead. Like Meredeth and Christina, we all have "our person" and if we are lucky, we have a few of them!

They are the girls that your significant other knows simply come as a package deal. They are the the ones who will listen to you sob while drinking straight from a bottle of wine, with Adele playing in the background. They hold your hair. They do your makeup. They tell you when you are a hot mess. They are an extension of who you are.

You begin to form your own language of sarcasm, knowing looks, and odd noises that somehow come together to create perfect communication. You create nicknames for people around you. Your world is sacred and others just simply don't understand.

So here are a few things you need to say to your best friends...like right now!

1. I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.

Unless the cake is really good and I was really hungry. But most of the time, yeah-- I would choose you over cake. I love you because you understand my need to binge on Netflix and Megastuffed Oreos. You know about my odd obsession with Mama Mia and choose to spend time with me anyway. You also know that if I'm still alone at 40 I'm coming to live with you. Hope your hubs has the spare room ready. I love you because you bring out the best in me. Except that one time at Delta Chi, but we don't speak of that. I also love you because you guard my secrets like they are your own. (Right? Okay good.)

2. I also hate you a little though.

As my best friend I hate you sometimes. Like when you cancel plans. Or when you don't answer my snapchat that was super witty. Mostly because even though you bring out the best in me, you have also seen me at my worst, which is something I struggle with. It gives me anxiety that another human knows about my deepest fears, and my worst decisions. You know me better than I know myself, and because of this, you call me on my bullshit all the time.

3. Thank you for calling me on my bullshit.

Thank you for your ability to recognize that I am simply projecting my anxiety about my ex onto a new man. Thank you for telling me that I am using said man to distract myself and push my fears about graduating aside. Only a best friend can listen to you complain, on the verge of mental breakdown, and analyze what you said, and tell you what you are really thinking. It's a rare gift and you should appreciate it.

4. I can always count on your for a good laugh.

"That's what she said"s are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to our jokes.  Inappropriate? Yes. Necessary? I think yes again. I can always count on you to have a funny text, or stupid grin on your face when I need it most. On those days that I can't remember what it is like to be happy, you come waltzing in with white zinfandel and Iliza Schlesinger quotes and turn my mood around completely. It's a miraculous thing.

5. If you need to murder ANYONE...I've got you.

Remember that time we ate dinner, drank margaritas, and created a detailed plan in case either one of us needed to commit a murder? I mean down to the nitty gritty things, like what music we would play in the background, and what actresses would play us when they created a  movie about it. Mary Anne and Wanda style. Thelma and Louise. Bring it on world--bad bitches coming through. *cue music*

6. Thanks for keeping the not-so-important promises.

Any friend can keep a promise that is important. Like, don't tell that boy I think he's cute. Or, promise you'll get coffee with me Friday. But only a best friend remembers the little things. Like the fact that they promised if they saw your ex while driving they would flip him off. Sure it sounds great, but your best friend will follow through with it, and make sure to tell you about it as soon as they see you because they know it will make you laugh.

7. I would totally switch teams for you. 

(Okay not really, but think about how much easier life would be)

Really...we just get each other <3

8. Thank you for handling my mental breakdowns.

Like that time we were at the bar and the guy I was into was ignoring me...you came with me to get some air, took my face in your hands and said, "You don't need him. You are beautiful. You don't see the heads you turn but I do. And I'm not just saying this because I am your best friend. I'm saying it because you are oblivious to the fact that you are a head turner." Or some scenario pretty similar to that.

9. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry we lost touch for a while. I'm sorry I wasn't more understanding when you got back together with the guy who cheated on you (man that bit me in the ass huh?) I'm sorry I didn't tell you about *insert personal story here* sooner. I'm sorry about that time you were struggling with depression and I pushed you away because I wasn't strong enough to keep both of us above the water. I'm sorry I stole your hair tie and never gave it back. You have to love me anyway.

10. I will never forget you.

Even if we haven't spoken in years (which is NOT going to happen) and have families and grown-up jobs, I will never forget the time we had together. Time spent crying, laughing, singing, dancing...not one minute of it will be lost on me! Countless hours getting ready to go out. Sitting at bars hoping to get asked to dance. Walking to class. Lunch dates. Birthdays. Boyfriends that were jerks, and the ones that are here to stay. Every memory we shared and are still sharing together is one that will be forever tattooed on my heart. You were there through all of those years that have had such a huge impact on the woman I am today. You helped shape me. And I will never forget that.

*hugs*

 Love you guys. Here's to the rest of our lives!

-L

A Letter to the Man Who Broke My Heart...Twice.

I have debated back and forth about posting this for several days now. I don't want people to think I am airing my dirty laundry, but I also think that this would be a good thing for me. And maybe for women experiencing similar things. 

I recently had a conversation with a new friend about men, heartbreak, and the pain that comes along with it. I had been thinking about writing this post for a while now, but our conversation spurred me along a little because I realized that the one thing everyone who is heartbroken has in common is this:

They all feel like they are the tragic exception. That no one has ever felt this way and come out alive. That their love was different, and no one can understand their suffering. They feel completely alone. 

I've been there. Felt that. Gone numb. Cried about it. 
Over the same man. TWICE. And guess what? 

I'm still living. Not just alive, but living.

It has taken me a little while to reach a point where I could actually sit down and write this. In fact, I think this is the perfect time. The wounds aren't fresh, but I can still feel them beneath the surface. I have moved on, but definitely have not forgotten. If you know me, you know I like self reflection, and I feel that now is a good time to reflect on this, one of the most enlightening, terrifying, testing, humiliating, and rewarding things I have ever experienced: falling in love with someone who wasn't "the one." 

So, this one goes out to all the broken-hearted (is that a song? If not it should be). Buckle up, it's a long one. And when in doubt...I'm being facetious. 

Dear Man Who Broke My Heart...Twice,

               How are you doing? Actually you don't need to answer that. Because even though I un-friended you on Facebook like the completely mature adult I am (lol), I can still see what you are tagged in. And I'm not going to pretend that I don't still stalk you sometimes. It's a weird complex where if my day is too good, I need to make myself feel worse. I know that you didn't place as well as you wanted in that last fishing tournament. I also know that you don't fish as well in the Fall, so you'll pick yourself back up come spring time. I know that because I genuinely took interest in the things you love. Like bass fishing. I loved zooming across the lake in your brand new bass cat that daddy bought for you. I loved seeing beautiful new places and waking up before dawn to get out on the water. Mostly because I loved the way your eyes shined when you were reeling in anything over 5. Like the way they used to shine when you looked at me. 

               Thank you, by the way, for teaching me about bass fishing. I can now hold a conversation with attractive men about crank bates, brush piles, and football jigs. It helped me on my content exam, plus I can whip out that photo of me with the 7.6 pounder I caught on Lake Nac with you. Which I definitely have done. On multiple occasions. 

               Thank you for reinforcing my belief that when someone becomes overly accusatory about something toward their partner, it is because they are feeling guilty about that same thing. The next man that gets angry at me for checking my phone, or is hyper sensitive about my contact with other males? He won't last long. Being apathetic towards me? You fed me those lines about not knowing what to do with your life and I soaked it up like a love desperate sponge, holding you, continuing to love you, telling you that it would all be okay. Next time, tell her not to tag you in Facebook posts. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't think I'm the best thing that has ever happened to them.

               Now I know it wasn't all bad. You were a hopeless romantic, just like me! You bought me flowers! And you drove to Nac to see me! And all of those meals you paid for and gas you spent almost make up for the fact that I now have a complex about my pants being too tight, my belly button ring looking like "metal lint" and my tattoos being trashy. Oh but thank God you told me you "overlooked the tattoos." I don't know if I could have ever afforded to get them removed. Remember when I drove on Christmas night to come see you, as a surprise, so you wouldn't be alone? I left my family at 6pm drove three hours and showed up at your door, dressed to the nines, present in hand. Or that time I had to tell all of my family that you had to work during the Lewis Christmas party, when really you just didn't want to come? After telling me for months that you would? Nothing says commitment like a family Christmas party...so it's best that you just avoid that all together, even if it does permanent damage to the girls' ability to trust. Okay okay, I'm getting off topic again. There were some good parts about our relationship.

               You were an artist with words and I will never forget the feeling it gave me when you looked at me, said I was beautiful, and wanted me for the rest of your life. That feeling? It's incomparable to anything else in this world. I remember when I went to dinner with you and your coworkers. Everyone gave us compliments about being the best dressed couple, and the old lady hit on you all night. Then, afterwards, we got Starbucks and looked at Christmas lights. The simple joy of running into you unexpectedly on campus. The feeling of your hand in mine. After our first kiss, when I ran face first into my front door. Not being able to sleep because I was so excited to see you the next day. Goosebumps when you kissed me. Stolen glances across the room. Wanting to leave a party just so the two of us could be alone. I would kill to have those things back. Those were real.

               But, so was the fact that you hated every single one of my friends. Except Sunshine. Because she had literally said 6 words to you in the span of a year. So were the texts. To your ex. Saying you loved her. So were the nights I spent crying in my shower because it was the only place my roommates couldn't hear me. So was the time you told me my cutoffs were about two sizes too small. So were the times that I would be dressed to go out, and you would tell me I looked great--but follow it with "But you already knew that." So were the times you looked at the make-up on my face and said "What is all of that shit?" Or when you said you resented me for being smart. And the time that was most real? When you told me the only reason I liked writing was because someone told me I was good at it. Yeah...you're right. And the only reason I didn't think the things you said were tearing me down? I just kept telling myself it was okay. You were just projecting your own insecurities on me. I was strong and confident, they weren't really getting to me or hurting me, and you didn't really want them to...did you?

               I like to think that you didn't. I like to think that you think of me and regret your decision to walk away. In the words of T-Swift all you had to do was stay! I like to think that you are dumbfounded because for once, a girl that you broke down didn't stay in touch with you....begging for your attention. I like to think that you see me in front of you, in class, and wonder if I am really as happy as I appear to be. Rest assured, I'm not. But I am happy. I no longer have bad days, but I have bad moments. Like the Chris Young concert. When you showed up with her. Damn that was rough. But I reveled in the fact that I was the one in the pit, touching his hand, surrounded by people who love me, and held my hands when he played "Tomorrow." I like to think, that one day 6 years from now, we will run into each other at a cafe, both leading separate lives, and be able to catch up. I'd like to think that. 

               Please know, as therapeutic as this was, this letter was not meant as an attack on you. I believe in my heart that when you find the right woman, who maybe isn't quite so strong willed as I am, y'all will live happily ever after. This wasn't to only point out the things that were wrong about us. It was to remind myself that it's okay to miss you. It's okay to think of you. But it is not okay to forget the damage you caused me, for my own sake. And I know that every girl out there who has been broken like this wished she could send this letter. It's a small town, word might get back to you. But let's be honest, how much of this do people not already know? Don't think this was really about you. It was about the demons I have faced and am still facing with you. The demons that broken hearts everywhere have to face. Even you.

               I guess it wasn't really no matter the storm, huh?
                                                                           Elizabeth Lewis

P.S. I know she was there the night before. Be nicer to your roommate. And stop flirting with girls who are friends with me...they just come run and tell me!

Man...that was heavier than I expected it to be! It was never my intention for this letter to be bashing my ex. I really wanted to write this to prove to y'all, and maybe even still to myself, that heartbreak works on its own time. It comes in stages. I'm out of the "stomach hurts when I see you" phase, but am not to the "wishing you all the best" phase. Obviously. I didn't feel the need to be vague, because if you know me, you know exactly who I'm talking about anyway! Might as well just let it all out. I also wanted to showcase the fact that abuse isn't always obvious. I'm not trying to say that my relationship was abusive. That's not it at all. But some of those backhanded compliments? The projecting of his own fears onto me? They did a number on my confidence. 

I also don't think that I was innocent in the dramatic explosion that was the end of our relationship. I know I am hard headed. I know I was new to the whole "love" thing. But I also woke up every day wondering how to make him happy. How to make him love me like I loved him. Agape--self sacrificial love. That kind of love. I think somewhere he felt those things too. Or maybe he just thought he should. He did teach me how to love though--I never knew a heart could be filled with so much feeling for another person. 

It's okay to be mad, or spiteful, or upset, or depressed, but don't ever think that you have to go through it alone. I made that mistake the first time around and made some very poor decisions. Needing alone time and thinking you have to suffer alone are two very different things. 

I would say don't blame yourself, but I know you're going to. But don't forget to blame them too. One day you'll wake up and feel like it was mostly their fault. And then one day you'll wake up and know that you don't ever want to get back together with them (like ever! Sorry I couldn't resist). And one day it won't hurt to say their name, or run into them. And hopefully, one day soon, we won't even think of them. 

-L